remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
