He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
