dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
