she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
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I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
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I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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