If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just google imaged poop.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
