my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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