What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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