i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I came so hard my ears popped.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
