Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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