i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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