Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
