I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
