final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
