She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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