Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
