she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
