I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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