If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
