You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
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I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
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Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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