Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She's just so happy...and so naked.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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