We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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