what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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