xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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