Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
