So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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