Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
