Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
