You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
