Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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