i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
