im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
