Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
