Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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