I wish I could teleport
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
