I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
