i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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