i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
