I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
