You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
