you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
