I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am one with the molecules
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize