SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
