Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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