OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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