I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I lost the right to judge tonight