Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in