you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
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she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
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You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.