I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
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dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
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Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.