i just wanna soil my oats bro
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
