.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
