We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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