just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.