it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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