Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret

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  (310): i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret http://tfl.nu/lkw1
  Replies (3) Good night (616) Bad night (1524)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..

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  (863): I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex.. http://tfl.nu/ynb7
  Replies (121) Good night (4306) Bad night (62833)
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  (714): View more from California

  I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.

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  (714): I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness. http://tfl.nu/2r5a
  Replies (20) Good night (3991) Bad night (873)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.

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  (504): I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of. http://tfl.nu/c6bd
  Replies (21) Good night (9669) Bad night (988)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking

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  (906): Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking http://tfl.nu/4jao
  Replies (5) Good night (1023) Bad night (2757)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.

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  (540): I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them. http://tfl.nu/t9kz
  Replies (6) Good night (1185) Bad night (2803)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship

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  (204): I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot (1-204): I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship http://tfl.nu/q28b
  Replies (2) Good night (1404) Bad night (623)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.

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  (413): he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs. http://tfl.nu/bd7x
  Replies (3) Good night (1363) Bad night (374)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.

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  (815): YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS. http://tfl.nu/33fz
  Replies (9) Good night (1012) Bad night (522)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time

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  (803): Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time http://tfl.nu/n1yf
  Replies (2) Good night (529) Bad night (317)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Sadly, she's the porn star that got away

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  (954): Sadly, she's the porn star that got away http://tfl.nu/sl2s
  Replies (3) Good night (328) Bad night (500)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.

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  (770): I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone. http://tfl.nu/ncer
  Replies (4) Good night (285) Bad night (812)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool

  (1-507): View more from Minnesota

  In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.

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  (507): I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool (1-507): In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking. http://tfl.nu/611z
  Replies (4) Good night (616) Bad night (267)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.

  (1-678): View more from Georgia

  Sweet, got a date tomorrow night

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  (678): She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet. (1-678): Sweet, got a date tomorrow night http://tfl.nu/04fq
  Replies (3) Good night (495) Bad night (268)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!

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  (218): Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them! http://tfl.nu/cqdf
  Replies (1) Good night (692) Bad night (348)

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