Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
