I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
