i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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