It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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