it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just had sex on a roof
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
