i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Boobs are out for the taking
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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