I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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