i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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