I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
