I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
