; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
