im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
