I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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