ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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