Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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