i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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