If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
